Xanxus really loves Squalo for his hair ?
by Youravaragefangirl
Summary: KHR isn't just a manga, it's even got a drama version in this story that is ! This is what really ? happened on set during the the filming of chapter 398 If you haven't read that chapter *Spoiler* This is the part where Xanxus and Squalo gets screwed pretty badly...and that's an understatement. from Xanxus's perspective. Contains D18, 10069 and XS. No explicit scenes.


**Disclaimer: **KHR and its characters do not belong to me. Just the story! All credits for the picture goes to its owner (I do not own it!)

**Warning: **Contains vulgarities (Though you're probably used to that. It's Xanxus and Squalo we're talking about here!) and suggestions of _Shounen Ai/Yaoi_

**********A/N: **So this is just a response to the chapter 398 of KHR (At the time this was written it was still the latest chapter). I shall be very honest here I DO NOT like what happened to XS and i still DO NOT like some of the characters. So expect mild bashings (Sorry if you genuinely do like those characters)! And if it doesn't make sense please do go on with the flow! Comments are very much appreciated since this is the first time I'm doing this sort of thing (And a great big Thank you if you do read it)! I hope you find it funny (including those references?) Haha. Sorry for this rambling.

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I watched him fall.

Really, he was such an idiot, such a stupid shark, that sometimes I think the only redeemable quality about him is his hair, that long wavy waterfall of a hair that even I have no inkling of how to begin to describe, though it would suffice to say that another person, a woman even, would look trashy if they tried to pull it off. There he was, his beautiful hair curling around his frame, _that very_ _frame_ that I have gotten to know so well.

"_Voi. Wake up." "Hmmm." I mumbled halfheartedly. If there was one thing I could ever change about this stupid shark it would be his incessant, annoying, insanely eardrum damaging, trashy usage of "Voi". Nothing kills a word more than a stupid trashy repetition of it. I could have gone on forever, if his hair hadn't brush across my face as he clambered up to snuggle under my bed sheets. _

"_Seriously, for such a trash that you are you seem to have access to even better hair care than I do." _

"_Sometimes I wonder if you allowed me to stay with you for my hair."_

"_Cut it and I will fire you." And I buried my face in his hair. _

I do realize that with my role as a badass wannabe (better candidate anyway) mafia boss, a fascination with hair does make me seem like a sissy (You should see that trash they now call the tenth at the start of the series. Haters gonna hate but I'll just get that idiotic shark to, wait scrap that, Lussuria to blind them with his weird neon green hair.) Heck, sometimes even I feel like shooting myself in the head. Somehow, this idiotic shark's hair gets me. All the time.

Technically for this part of the scene all I had to do was stand there, get my (fake) arm hacked off, still look badass anyway. And then say something like _get up shitty shark _to that trashy shark after he gets punched (?) by that poor guy who doesn't even have money for clothes.

"_In the end he became fish food. That complete trash. Buha. Hahaha." "That's my line?" "Technically, yes. But with more emotion. Like BUHAHAHAHAHA!" "BUHAHAHAHA." "No not so monotonous. It's Buhahahahaha!" "Fuck it I'm not saying this." "Come on Xanxus, it's really not that hard?" "Screw you . Change it or I'm leaving." "I don't see why you are unhappy?" "I don't see why you are so dumb. Screw you even the audience gets it, this XS thing. And you are the scriptwriter. Which means you practically wrote us into this trashy SM relationship. And what I'm this totally insensitive jerk who says this sort of stuff when someone who followed me for 10 years when no one else would gets eaten by a shark? Seriously even the crappy cancer cliché is better than this shit." "Err, technically your character says it, not you." "Whatever." "And in the later part of the series Squalo's gonna die again…" "AGAIN? Do you hate him or something? Budget problems? Why not just kill Chrome off. I'm not a fan of Mukuro but heck his weird Kufufufu shit is better than that one eye-patch freak that makes us seem like we're ripping off Ciel's fashion." "We are actually. And anyway under some law we are legally required to have some female characters so that we won't get sued by people who think that we are a bunch of misogynists." "Haha." "Sometimes I hate you and your sarcasm. Anyway as I was saying Squalo's gonna die again and then I'll give you a good line that will make your character seem so … not one dimensional. " "Hmm" "And it'll help in creating drama etc. etc." "Fine."_

_Good Line?_ My ass. _Get up shitty shark _is so unremarkable. But the fans seem to like it. Seriously they see romance in weird shit like this. _Masochists? _In any case there I was standing and thinking _Oh there he goes again, ever the drama queen (Last time I checked getting eaten by a shark and still being alive was at the top of the list of the most dramatic ways to go compiled by yours truly)_, watching that elfish silver hair of his in that bright lighting whisper through the air, forming wispy trails of smoke from a fire that has since died out before morphing into dead white veins snaking across the hard brown earth. _Tch. Dirty._

NO ONE DIRTIES HIS FUCKING TRASHY HAIR.

_I DO._

To hell with this rubbish stumpy fake arm that looks like it's from a B grade disaster flick, I lunged forward and pinned that dumb circus clown Jager to the ground with both my arms and shoved the gun up his mouth _How do you like it bitch _and pressed the trigger, at the same time revolutionizing the meaning of the phrase "Trigger Happy" and setting the Guinness record for the most number of shots fired which unfortunately were all blanks. Fucking guns I threw them off useless anyway and threw a thousand punches that landed all on his most important area – his face was already too damaged for me to inflict more – mentally that is.

"CUTTT!"

"XANXUS WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING THERE IS NO LINE THAT SAYS FUCKING TRASHY HAIR OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT OR ANYTHING IN THE SCRIPT THAT SAYS YOU ARE FREE TO RIP YOUR PROSTHETIC ARM OFF TO HIT OUR STUNT GUY NOW WE HAVE TO DO A RETAKE WHICH WILL SET US BACK" "Xanxus wasn't that bad? That footage could be edited…" "SHUT UP DINO BYAKURAN AND MUKURO AND YOU COULD HAVE GANGED UP ON JAGER WHEN XANXUS WAS DOING HIS THING" "But there's no such…" "I'M THE DIRECTOR" (I knew the director was a XS shipper)

"Hibari!" And thereafter Dino ran off sobbing into the arms of Hibari (who was watching by the side) who caressed his head with a soothing _There there, I'll bite the director to death_ to which that dog whimpers _ No you'll get fired _and _was I good_ and Hibari despite his image simply smirks and says _I will bite you. Tonight. _Trashy world indeed.

I head off to that stupid shark, not forgetting to provide a few fan service to the screaming fan girls (and _boys_) standing by the side in the form of my trademark glare. Some crazy fan girl screams "I wanna be your trash!" Sorry Miss get your queue ticket after that trashy shark dies (_which would never happen. Not if I'm around_) and even then I'll most certainly just reject you the way Donald Trump says _You're fired_ and I'll send you a video that replays that scene on loop just so reality begins to sink in.

Back to that shark anyways. From a distance I already see that fucking weirdo pair Mukuro and Byakuran circling round that stupid and naive shark, no doubt trying to promote their latest concoction. "_Kufufufu. Considering that you likely did not have breakfast , we shall kindly offer you our own lunch; pineapples stuffed with marshmallows, marshmallow burgers with pineapple patties and…_" "…_Nanimori style custard cream puff with marshmallow and pineapple_." Byakuran finished his line by popping yet another of those marshmallows (pineapple flavoured) into his mouth. God I swear someday they will actually kill that stupid shark (_and they certainly look like they know they will end up killing him. Just look at those knowing smirks on those bastards' faces_) and then I'll be forced to hire that crazy fan girl. A most terrifying thought.

"Screw off."

"Hmphh. This is boring after all. I told you _Mukuro-chan _that we'll never be able to get Squalo san to eat our food before that mother hen comes clucking at our feet. "

"Hmmmm. It was worth a try though. At least now we know Squalo's an idiot…" "VOOOIIIIIII" "…who would seriously consider eating these weird shits. How about Dino? _Kufufufu_"

"With Hibari there? Let's do it." Byakuran gave another of his smirk and he and that pineapple head went off hand in hand into the rainbow, skipping along and singing yet another _Charlie the Unicorn _inspired song.

"Get up shitty shark."

That idiot looked at me with a blank look on his face. "Voi?"

"Empty vessels make the most noises. Indeed." "VOIIIIII! I HEARD YOU FUCKING BASTARD! CAN'T A MAN JUST LIE ON THE GROUND? HECK I'M NOT EVEN LYING I'M JUST SITTING HERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!" "Considering that I've just saved your bowels and your ass I would expect more gratitude." "HA YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SCREWS IT MORE THAN THEY DO."

An awkward silence.

"I don't care what you are doing but you are disrupting the order on the set. Screw somewhere else. Or I'll bite you to death." "Hibari I can't hear anything with you covering my ears~~~ " "Nothing important anyway. Let's go Dino." _Self assured bastard. _I would have killed him but his popularity is crazy and I don't need a bunch of antis on my back so whatever.

"Let's go trash." "Where to?" "Scriptwriter." "Huh?" "Just shut up and follow me. Trash should just shut up." "…" That fucking trash's face was red as hell (like that time when that weirdo pineapple and marshmallow pair put pepper and tons of weird shit in his food) and it was just so laughable (_ha_) with that corny line spewing from that loud-mouthed trash. Not that it wasn't … cute. Or anything. But it doesn't suit my image so I restrained that _BUAHAHAHAHA _that was threatening to burst out of my lungs and marched that stupid shark to the scriptwriter's station. So there.

"VOOIIIIII! HEY YOU SCRIPTWRITER PERSON DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH ME I'M LIKE THE _FOREVER APPEARING FOR A FEW SCENES BEFORE DYING IN SOME WEIRD SHIT_ _WAY_ DUDE. AHHHHHHH FUCK YOU I'M NOT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER YET I GO THROUGH MORE SHIT THAN THE MAIN CHARACTER DOES. AND MY POPULARITY IS STILL NOT THAT HIGH! ARGHHHHHH! YOU DON'T EVEN SEE YAMAMOTO GOING THROUGH CRAP LIKE THIS!" Leave it to that trashy shark to go from embarrassed sissy to ballistics nuts in a few moments. But heck he's interesting this way. Hmph. I dragged that shark and gag him with my hand, locking him in place under my arm to stop him from pulling out his hair in laughable frustration and probably stress.

"Hey you scriptwriter woman. Better get a larger mailbox to keep all that mail in your letterbox. Just saying." "Mail? From who?" "Oh just some mail from some very average people who fortunately do not have an average reaction to the incredibly lousy script you have wrote and have decided to take it into their own hands to write you some letters that go along the lines of _I know where you live. Bring them back or else _and _ #%$^&8^%$#567(*^&54%^& _though I'm pretty sure most of the actors have screamed that in your face some time or other and perhaps things like _good luck finding a job in the future _and my personal favorite _Did you hear the joke of the century? Oh wait I'm sorry it must be pretty hard to miss it when you're the joke. Haha._"

"… They don't have my address."

"nmnhnghnm" "Shhhh I'm almost done trash. Oh not to worry I took care of that a long time ago. And in any case you would be glad to know that you have now gained a huge following. Of antis that is."

"But Xanxus thanks to me the XS pairing has received so much attention! And you are like _the guy_ to all the fan girls out there!" "I have always been _the guy _to this fan girl right here." I shook the furiously blushing shark held captive in my arms to prove my point.

"But as a thank you for making me look cool in this trash's eyes I shall allow you to remove that stupid shark's name from that hate list. And I shall give you a list of cheap motels because I've just burnt down your house. Ciao. If you're still here tomorrow that is. Buahaha."

"Just a heads up in the next scene Jager's gonna tear your legs off. Now that's a good joke. Hah." Just then Jager, or the (_tenth_) stunt guy hired to portray him ran over, his hair and arms flailing about like some jellyfish. "NOOOOOO JUST LET ME DIE PLEASE I BEG YOU! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE PRESSURE'S LIKE FACING MY WIFE AND KIDS! They hate meeeeee even the makeup artist just left me at a corner and when I finally got her attention she just said something like _oh I didn't see you I must have mixed you up with that pile of unwanted mops we leave around oh wait dear me why am I talking to a mop? _ and left AHHH I'M THE FOREVER ALONE GUY! NO ONE EVEN OFFERS TO EAT WITH ME! BYAKURAN AND MUKURO DON'T EVEN TRY TO POISON ME WITH THEIR FOOD! _A PERFECT_ _WASTE OF TERRIBLE, ALREADY WASTED FOOD _THEY SAID! AHHH DIRECTOR FIRE ME!"

"Sigh there goes another." With this stunt guy going bonkers we now have a record of 10 stunt guys seeking urgent psychiatric help for trolling the badass characters. I think I start to pity the scriptwriter. _Not. _

"As I was saying before (sigh) that now crazy dude came barging in for the next scene you're gonna lose most of everything. HA In your face!" _I've already lost everything _I wanted to say but that's too cheesy and it's something that I would say only under the safety of my, or his (it depends) , covers and _ahem_ to him _ahem _alone. I let go of that shark and just pull his wrist and leave the set.

"Your place or mine?"

"Mine. Any complaints, trash?"

"Nope. _Boss. _Just wondering how you're gonna do it _without_, just saying, one arm and both legs?"

"Hmph. I'll just get fake ones made with solid gold and do you like this. As usual." And I pushed him into the car and pressed my lips on equally eager ones as the song _Fantastic baby _blared on the radio.

Fuck the trolling scriptwriter. The rest of the day I spent screwing that stupid shark, _Fucking Xanxus Style._

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Hello If you see this it's means you have read the WHOLE THING! **THANK YOU very much** for reading all 2,300+ words! I'm really sorry for some parts that consist of lots of dialogue and my terrible sense of humour and all, but most of all I would really appreciate comments! Again (I can't stress this enough) Thank you for reading this!


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